If the Cookie Jar is Empty
by Scision
Summary: Complete with 100 questions! Ever found yourself filling out those pointless surveys of questions because you were insanely bored? Well Sirius decides to do just that. See what he says along with the other Marauders. Sirius/Remus, James/Lily.
1. 1 through 10

**Disclaimer: Own nothing at all.**  
_Sirius decides to fill in his answers to those annoying, boredom-killing surveys that are flying around everywhere, with the bonus of the other Marauder's responses(will or wont be identified)._

Rated just for some references and language. T_he fic is titled so because of a running question which will reappear... slight Sirius/Remus, slight James/Lily.  
_

* * *

**If The Cookie Jar Is Empty**

* * *

**1. Do you like cheese?**_**  
**Oh yes! Cheese is delicious and only freaks don't like cheese. Ahem, James._

_"This question is so overrated. And I do, too, like cheese!"  
"I wasn't implying you don't like cheese. I was simply expressing my opinion that you are a freak… Oops, that's not an opinion, that's a fact."  
"…"_

* * *

**2. How far can you spit a watermelon seed?  
**My record is 11 and a half feet if I can recall. I'm proud.

_"Haha! Loser. Mine's 15 feet."  
"Prongs, you lying cheater, you THREW it. It's not called watermelon seed spitting contest for nothing."_

* * *

**3. Have you ever gotten fanmail?  
**Of course! I get about 30 a day. Why? Because I'm Sirius Black!

_"..AndlittledoesheknowthatJamesPottermadethemALLup..hehe..."  
"What was that, Prongs?"  
"Nothing!"_

* * *

**4. Have you ever been pushed into a pool?  
**Well, I've been pushed into the lake because Prongs was pissed off at me, so I suppose he was trying to get back at me. But I actually had fun swimming with the Giant Squid.

_"The Giant Squid only swam with you because it felt sorry that no one in this castle will sleep with you."  
"WHAT?! That is the BIGGEST lie I've ever heard! I have proof! MOONY!"_

* * *

**5. Have you ever eaten sushi?  
**Sushi is utterly disgusting. I do not find the joy that other people do in consuming seaweed, raw fish, squid, shrimp or other various aquatic organisms.

_"Says the man who dropped a bowl of oatmeal in a pile of what looked like owl droppings, scooped it back up and ATE it…"  
"Those were NOT owl droppings, they were chocolate chips… weren't they…?"_

* * *

**6. What do you think of hot dogs?  
**Why thank you, I AM a hot dog! And Moony thinks so, too.

_"…Of course I do."_

* * *

**7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?  
**Here's a normal question and it comes with a normal answer. Pumpkin juice mixed with some coffee, a teaspoon of lemon juice and just a dash of mint. Oh, and salt.

_"Normal? Who the hell drinks THAT?"  
"Shut up, Potter."_

* * *

**8. Can you do push ups?  
**Sirius Black is wonderful at push ups. I can do 318 push ups in one minute, which is 318 more than James Potter can do.

_"Hey! That's not true!"  
"Then do some in three, two- NOW!"  
"…Whoops, gotta go, bye!" _

* * *

**9. Favorite class in school?  
**Hmm… it's hard to say really. I hate all of them, but I excel at them all! I'll say Divination though, because in that class, you can make up a load of shit and no one will know.

_"But it's Divination, won't the teacher KNOW, by some paranormal force, that you're lying?"  
"Peter, shut up, you suck at EVERY class."_

* * *

**10. If the cookie jar is empty, who do you blame?  
**WHAT? My cookie jar is _never _emp- Holy shit! The cookies are gone! What do I do?!

_"Calm down, Sirius, they're only coo-"  
"Don't tell me they're ONLY cookies, Moony! You don't know ANYTHING! We had a BOND!"_

* * *

_A/N : hmm okay :U i think chapters/ questions/answers should be better as they progress. If you have suggestions for questions(general ones NOT relating to the potterverse, EX: how many times do you sneak out each week?), throw em at me and if I use something, I will credit you. (:_


	2. 11 through 20

_Thanks for the suggestions :) I appreciate them, along with those who reviewed the first chapter :  
cheesysticks, irish-mexican, kei, justawritier, l.lulu, over.active.imaginationjh, lunaleth, marvelousmoo, and pottermagic313. I'd mail you all delishus muffins if I could. _

This one has more implied sirius and remus, but i dont think i need to say implied anymore. XD Here's 11-20. i put seperators so its easier to read, hopefully.

* * *

**11. What was your worst injury this week?  
**I think that would be the paper cut on my pinky finger. No wait! It was something else. Yes, I fell flat on my face and got a bruise on my forehead.

_"Hahaaa! What kind of loser trips over a stale biscuit?"  
"Shut up."

* * *

_

**12. Ever gone skinny-dipping? (credited to kei, aka kadaj addiction)  
**Why yes. I have. AND NOT, before you can interrupt me, James, with the Giant Bloody Squid. It was me and my Remy-poo. -dreamy looks-

_"Um, I think it was more like you vanished my clothes and dunked me into the lake. In fucken February! I WAS FREEZING."  
_"_Oh, so that's why you were hugging me so tight… I thought it was just out of immensely pure love. -more dreamy looks-"  
"…"_

_

* * *

_

**13. Name the last three things you have bought.  
**a. Sirius Black does not buy things.  
b. He steals them using James's invisibility cloak.  
c. But he DID buy a Valentine's Day card for Remus.

_"Some Valentine... You only bought it because you didn't know how to draw a heart."  
"Yeah, well! Hearts are very difficult to draw, it's harder than it looks!"

* * *

_

**14. What were you for Halloween?  
**Not sure what I was as to costume… but I assure you I had _lots _of fun _trick-or-treating _with Moony, here. If you know what I mean…

_"Please don't remind me."  
_"_You know you had fun, too."_

_

* * *

_**15. Do you like crayons?  
**Crayons! They're so colorful, I love them. They taste delicious. 

_"Um, you aren't supposed to eat crayons, you know."  
"Don't tell me what I'm supposed to eat and not supposed to eat, Remus! I eat whatever the hell I want."_

_

* * *

_**16. Do you have plans for this weekend?  
**Indeed, I do! Tomorrow, which is Saturday, I'm going to eat breakfast with the Marauders. Then we're going to watch James at Quidditch practice. After that, we're going to eat lunch, then we're going to go Snivellus-Hunting, my favorite sport... Then we'll eat dinner and then I'll try to take advantage of Remus when he least expects it... -evil cackle-... 

_"I heard that, Sirius."  
"...No you didn't!"_

_

* * *

_**17. Do you wear jewelry?  
**Sirius Black does not like jewelry, period. He does not wear it either. 

_"Then what were those necklaces and earrings doing in your underwear drawer, Pads?"  
"Well, one time I was- wait a minute. Peter, what were you doing in my underwear drawer?!"_

_

* * *

_**18. What was your greatest prank ever pulled? (credited to justawritier)  
**Hmm… there's a lot, really. The best one I can think of right now is when we spiked Snivelly's drink with Polyjuice Potion. It was great having two Filches bickering and stuttering at each other. 

"_You forgot the time when we turned the whole castle into bubble gum."  
"Oh yeah, I remember that. You could just push Snape into the wall and the gum would get stuck in his hair!"  
"Yeah, but you'd think the gum would just come right out, eh… his hair is too greasy and slippery for anything to get stuck in THAT!"

* * *

_

**19. Have you ever fallen out of your own chair?  
**Um.. nope!

_"Liar! I just saw you fall out of your chair 45 seconds ago."  
"...No. You pushed me!"  
"From 25 feet away on the other side of the common room. Sure I did..."

* * *

_

**20. When's the last time you ate a cookie?  
**Um. Maybe a month ago. I still haven't found those cookies from my jar…!

_"Maybe you should actually SEARCH for them, Sirius- as in, get up and take a look around, not wait until they randomly appear!"  
"Aaah, the fuck do you know."

* * *

_

_A/N: yay. Still open to any suggestions :D I'll credit you, too, if I use it, or something close to it._


	3. 21 through 30

_Hmm this part has more capslock than I intended. Oops. XD _

Thanks for all your positive feedback :D to palomapotter, irish-mexican, ceilidh, destinyaquablossom, justawritier, toothpaste addict. Thanks also to those who've put this on alert, too. –lovecake-

* * *

**21. Name three things currently bothering you.  
**a. Well, let's see. For one, my elbow really hurts.  
b. A second, my eye keeps twitching for some reason.  
c. And last… PETER WON'T STOP JUMPING AROUND THE FREAKING ROOM. IT'S SO. NOISY. STOMPY! _GAAGH_.

_"Shut up, Pads! It's not MY fault that YOU put the Leg Locker Curse on me!"  
__"Oh. That was me? My mistake." _

* * *

**22. Do you like ducks?  
**Ducks! I like ducks, yep I do. They're really cute. I think they're amazing- 

_"-in bed. -snicker-"  
__"…That was completely uncalled for, Prongs." _

* * *

**23. What would you say if your best friend suddenly woke up as the opposite gender?  
**_James_? AS A _GIRL_? HAHAHA. LOSER. 

_"Well, gee, thanks, now I know the very first person I should seek the help of, should I need a reverse potion. -sarcasm-" _

_

* * *

_

**24. Are you a virgin? (credited to palomapotter)  
**-Grin-

_"Haha. Anyone can answer this… Sirius plus Remus plus Sirius's bed equals-"  
__"Well, James, who said it had to be in MY bed? It's not like that's the only place we can-"  
__"Wait, you mean to say that's not the only bed you've-? EW!"  
__"Hehe. Hey, where're you going?"  
__"To wash my bed sheets, you bastard." _

_

* * *

_

**25. Where were you 15 minutes ago?  
**Sleeping soundly in the dormitory.

_"Don't you EVER do anything else on weekends besides sleep in?"  
__"My dear Moony. After 6 years of knowing me so well, is that question really necessary?"  
__"You need to get out of the common room more. Come on! –tries to lure Sirius out by shaking a chicken bone-"  
__"-Yawns- It'll take more than that, Remy. You can keep doing that forever, this dog is -never- going to move." _

_

* * *

_

**26. What will you name your future children, if any? (credited to destinyaquablossom)  
**Hmm… never really thought about it. –thinks quickly- Alright, I've come up with a list! How about: James Jr. ?

_"List? What list, that was only one name! But… it's a good pick."  
__"Don't flatter yourself, James. I only said that because it sounds –gag- cute." _

* * *

**27. How often do you shower?  
**Once in the morning, once before lunch, once after every Herbology lesson, once after every Potions lesson, once after dinner and once before I sleep at night. 

_"So that's why there's never any hot water when -I- go in to shower!"  
__"Some people have hair that practically BEGS to be washed, James. Unlike- you.- Filthy git."  
__"…Showerjacking, I see."  
__"Am not!" _

* * *

**28. You're walking alone down a deserted alley at night. Suddenly, someone attacks you from behind. What do you do?  
**Hmm… _Lumos!_

_"What the-? Right, yeah, someone's beating you up and the first thing you do is cast beams of light at them?"  
__"…Well, Peter. I'd like to know who's attacking me, first, before I squish them to a bloody pulp." _

* * *

**29. Do people make fun of your last name?  
**Haha, yeah right. They're constantly making fun of my _first _name, damnit. They never stop! And now that this question's been brought up, _someone _is going to make another stupid joke, you mark my words. The puns aren't even FUNNY. 

_"Aww, it's okay, Sirius. You know we take you seriously."  
__"-groan-" _

* * *

**30. Have you found those cookies yet?  
**-Sigh.- No, I haven't. AND I _DID _LOOK, REMUS. I think someone _ate _them. –whimper- Because I spent 5 hours looking all over the whole freaking castle, and saw not a single cookie. 

_"-All- over the castle? Sirius, cookies can't just grow legs and go strutting around the entire place."  
__"Well, in case you haven't noticed, in which YOU of all people should know, WE'RE IN THE WIZARDFUCKING WORLD."  
_

* * *

_A/N: suggestions still appreciated :D rofl yes, number 25 is a reference to POTC. and yeah i know "wizardfucking world" sounds odd and suggests things. XD_


	4. 31 through 40

_A/N: Wow o-o after I posted 3ch, the reviews seemed to.. explode. I appreciate all the positive reviews. –hugs for the following-: periculosusbella, sugarhighgemini, YAY!!, bubblicious242, dreams shape the world, destinyaquablossom, llamaswillruletheworld, sweet$, aquaphilic, irish-mexican, sumeytheflowerbender, tickledorange, kadaj, cheekymonkey1994, justawritier. and of course the others whove faved/alerted and whatnot. _

I don't really know why I keep thanking everyone in the A/N because I reply to signed reviews anyway. by the way, I'm writing this as in their 6th or 7th year or something (doesnt everyone... -sarcasm-)

and sorry about this chapter, its like. the definition of unfunny. it always happens after like two chapters D;

_

* * *

_

**31. Would you rather be burned or frozen to death? (credited to sugarhighgemini)  
**I think I'd choose the burning.

_"Pyro."  
"And WHAT is so wrong with that?"_

_

* * *

_

**32. How many girl/boyfriends have you had? (credit to sumeytheflowerbender)  
**It took one girlfriend to show I didn't feel quite right. It took me one boyfriend to know that it felt _just_ right. -snuggles-

_"Aww! How adorable! It sounds like you're actually growing up!"  
__"James, go away! Don't you have anything better to do? Like, kiss the fuck out of your life-sized Lily poster?"  
"W-what? I DO NOT HAVE A-"  
"Come off it. Everyone knows you hide it under your bed. You're in denial!"_

_

* * *

_

**33. What is your greatest fear? (credited to aquaphiliac)  
**Being… abandoned. I love my friends, see. That, or something almost equally horrible, like walking into the bathroom one morning and finding out that my hair suddenly turned white. Permanently.

_"Um, Sirius you DO know that it will happen… Like… when you're 70 or so?"  
__"Shut up, Peter! My hair does not need any more stress as it is! You're not helping!"_

_

* * *

_

**34. Are you afraid of ghosts?  
**Psht. No way! If you were and you came to Hogwarts, it'd be hell for you since they're everywhere… Ghosts are cool, anyways.

_"Haha. That's not what you said in first year."  
"Wormy, the hell are you talking about."  
__"You were like 'HOLY CRAP! A GHOST? OH MY-'"  
"That was YOU, you idiot!"  
"…Oh yeah."_

_

* * *

_

**35. Name seven things you'll do this week, one for each day of the week.  
**Okay! Let's take a look. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday: Moony!

_"…Is it too late to change schedule?"  
__"Yes."  
__"…Crap." _

_

* * *

_

**36. So what will you do later tonight?  
**PARTY HARD!

_"No, you won't! You're going to do your homework without MY help for once. No, no, no, no, n-"  
__"C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!"  
__"Sirius, shut up! If you make me do your work one more time, I'm honestly going to-"  
__"OHSHI-! GET IN THE CAR!"_

_

* * *

_

**37. Have you ever won a pillow fight?  
**Well, not me alone, but us Marauders came pretty far in the Gryffindor Boys Pillow Fighting Tournament. We came in 3rd place! Stupid _first years _had to win. I know, stupid, innit? First years are NEVER, in the history of Hogwarts, allowed to win _anything_!

_"We -could- have snagged a higher rank… But you just HAD to use one of your OWN pillows… Yours are made of like, fucking DUST."  
__"Well, I'm sorry if I'm an angelic sleeper."_

_

* * *

_

**38. What do you hope to do within the next month?  
**Drag Moony up to the roof of Hogwarts.

_"And do -what- exactly?"  
"What I do to you after every Charms, Defense, Potions and Divination class."  
"...D-dayum. On the roof? Can you do that?"  
"I'm pretty sure I can. Wanna try?"  
"Um... ask me again in a month."_

_

* * *

_

**39. What would you rather be; a banshee, a vampire, or a werewolf?  
**That's easy. Werewolf! Then at the full moons I can get down on Remus lycanthropy style. Well not that it's not already.

_"Was that really necessary for the whole common room to know?"  
__"What? Who said the whole common heard?"  
__"-common room- We heard."_

_

* * *

_

**40. Did you find the cookie thief, _yet_?**  
Damnit, no! I've put a fake cookie in the jar yesterday and watched it very. Very. Carefully. But… nothing happened. I'm so tired of this! Stop asking! I swear, I'll never EVER rest until I find out who stole my fucking cookies.

_"Good, we could do with less snoring in the dormitory at night. -smirk-"_

_

* * *

_

_A/N: LOL number 36 makes references to 4chan memes. GO /B/. haha. If you don't get them, look them up. suggestions still open, theyre great :D _

oh and if you have any like movies i could reference/quote off of, those are nice too.


	5. 41 through 50

_So the reviews thing wasn't working for like a week XD but they're back :D Thanks to those who reviewed after my last chapter: Vampiress19, tickledorange, shortbutproud, Irish-Mexican, Hprincess, palomapotter, cheekymonkey1994.  _

Also, please tell me if james/remus/peter's responses after sirius's answers are too long. or short. heh :P cuz they get longer and longer every time.

* * *

**41. Are you jealous of anyone? If so, who?  
**A fine werewolf called Remus J. Lupin. 

"_Me? Why me?"  
_"_Because that fine werewolf has a fine puppy-friend called Sirius Black."  
_"_I should've known..."_

**

* * *

**

**42. What are you eating right now?  
**Oh, more like the things I _wish _I was eating right now. -wink-

"_I hope that wink was not directed to me."  
_"_Who's to say it wasn't? -winks again-"  
_"_..I'm leaving now."_

**

* * *

**

**43. Who's the last person you pissed off?  
**Um. I'm… pretty sure it was James…

"_You know damn well it was me. It was in front of Lily!"  
"Look, I didn't mean to spill that Swelling Potion all over you in the Great-"  
"In front of _LILY_!"  
"Your obsession with that female is infuriating. Well, at least when she thought your head couldn't POSSIBLY grow any larger-"  
"Sirius, if you don't shut up, I'm making sure that you are NEVER going to be able to bear children-"  
"On that subject, I don't think that's scientifically possible If I were to-"  
"-deathglare-"  
"Shutting up."  
"Best idea you've had all day."_

* * *

**44. What's was your first thought this morning?  
**'Mmm. It smells like raspberries.' 

"_Since when do we have raspberries in the dorm?"  
_"_Moony's shampoo, you idiot rat."_

* * *

**45. Least favorite pieces of clothing?  
**If it counts, then belts. Alwaaaays the belt. And that Remus wears them, too, pisses me off even more. 

_"What's wrong with belts?"  
"They're bloody hard to take off. -You- should know."  
"Oh. That. Haha."  
"You could at least AID me on that part when it comes to YOURS."  
"Yes, well, I like to see you struggle in the more mundane tasks of life."_

* * *

**46. Are you attractive?  
**If Mr. Padfoot is not, if anything, attractive, then he is definitely not Mr. Padfoot. 

"_Mr. Wormtail would like to suggest that if Mr. Padfoot was not, if anything, attractive, then he would certainly be the filthiest, ugliest, most loathsome creature in this universe. Obviously. And he is."  
_"_Mr. Prongs strongly concurs with this statement and would also like to point out that Mr. Lupin has clearly made a poor choice of mate, indeed."  
_"_Mr. Moony disagrees with either Mr. Wormtail and Mr. Prongs, however he -would- like to express that Mr. Padfoot's ego is way too large for his own skin."  
_"_Some friends _YOU_ are."  
_"_Mssrs. Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs also have the desire to say that we, as friends, merely exist to snap your ego in pieces when it gets too large."  
_"_Then by all means, Mr. Padfoot, as a friend, would advise you all, as friends, to SHUT THE HELL UP."_

* * *

**47. Do you hold grudges?  
**Not usually, forgive and forget, I say. However, there IS an exception; I've hated my family for 100 years, the pureblooded-dark-magic-obsessed asses they are. 

_"100 -years-? You haven't been LIVING for 100 years, Sirius, you're only 17!"  
_"_I know. And they've got 83 years left..."_

* * *

**48. Are you currently ignoring someone?  
**Yes. His name is Peter Pettigrew. 

"_What? I didn't do anything! What did I do??"  
"Sorry, can't answer that, I'm ignoring you, remember?"  
"…"_

* * *

**49.** **Would you rather have five bottles stuck on your fingers for a year, or a bucket on your foot for a year?  
**Interesting question. I think having bottles on my fingers would make it difficult and incredibly uncomfortable if I was to, say, make out or something. I don't think Moony would like it much, either. 

"_Definitely not."  
_"_We can just give the bottles to James."  
"For what?"  
_"_You know, so he can practice on them."  
_"…_What?"  
_"_Well he hasn't got anyone else to practice with. -laugh-"  
"You're sick."_

* * *

**50. Look! The cookies! _There they are_!  
**WHERE? 

_"It was a trick question, Pads."  
"Arrrrgh. That's it! I'm murdering whoever's tormenting me AND whoever wrote this bloody question._

* * *

_A/N: haha. Mm. this chapter was very weird too. Can't seem to think of many good ones, if they were at all good. Suggestions anyone :D? Thanks on those who have in the past._


	6. 51 through 60

_I got more question suggestions after the last chapter which was nice XD; Thanks everyone 8D I'm bumping the reviewers to the bottom, lawl. Sorry these questions are like. Horrid. XD _

Ive also gotten that boxer/briefs question LOL and I do want to answer it, only im holding off on it since I want a good answer to it. XD

51-60 :U Sirius must be very bored haha. I was thinking maybe I could have Sirius force Remus or something to answer a few, for a change. For something different haha. What dyou think?

* * *

**51. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? (credited to juliakerns5)  
**-thinks- Preferably alive, and _most_ preferably with Moony. Maybe I'll have tons more money than I do now! 

"_Haha. Knowing you, you'll probably land yourself in prison somehow."  
_"_Hey! I most certainly will NOT, James!"_

**

* * *

52. What do you think about feathers?  
What do I think? Hmm. Well, they're fluffy. **

"_Fluffy? Is that it?"  
_"_What? There's only so many ways you can describe a fucking feather."

* * *

_

**53. Name three things that are always on your mind. (credited to cheekymonkey1994)  
**a. Food!  
b. Breathing.  
c. Moony. Actually, I would have listed Moony as all three, except Moony isn't three people, and I'm sort of glad because I might have to choose between three Moonies instead of just one. Chaos and Bloody Massacre would ensue.

_"Why's 'breathing' on there?"  
_"_Well, I don't know about you, but I for one like knowing at all times whether I'm breathing or not."  
_"_Oh… well… erm… makes sense…"  
_"…_What?"  
_"_Freak."

* * *

_

**54. What did you do this afternoon?  
**Well, as it's Sunday, Peter, James, Remus and I all went Snape-Hunting. We found him in the Library, and when he wasn't looking we charmed the book he was reading so that every other sentence in the text said, "Ever seen a bottle of shampoo, you great slimy git?"

"_Haha. That was great. He was looking around and almost spotted us, because Peter wouldn't quit laughing. AND YOU LEFT! You and Remus. Where'd you guys go, you should have seen the look on his face when he went back to reading."  
_"_Think hard, James... Me and Moony left... -Long- afternoon ahead of us…-eyebrow waggle-"  
_"…_Oh."

* * *

_

**55. And something you did this morning?  
**Let me think. Oh, we had a double Charms hour this morning, with the Ravenclaws. We were all paired up and my partner, Ravenclaw chick, somehow managed to turn her arms into these really sickly tentacle things, so when she left, I flew paper wads at Peter's head.

"_That was _you_?!"  
_"_Yep."  
_"_Argh! I kept blaming my partner for that, so he tattled on me and Flitwick gave me a detention. For nothing!"  
"…-cackle-"

* * *

_

**56. What do you do before you go to sleep? (credited to Paddywaddy)  
**All those boring things everyone does (or should do) like brushing my teeth and stuff. Then I turn off the lights (apparently I'm Mr. Light-Turn-On-And-Offer, since my bed's closest to the switch…), say goodnight to everyone, snuggle Moony, and go to sleep. Or if I'm in a more exciting mood, however, I do _much_ more than snuggle…

"_Wait a minute… is THAT why James is always shouting at you to do a Silencing Charm?"  
"You've FINALLY caught on? Geez, Worms, you're so daft sometimes."

* * *

_

**57. Would you rather have glow sticks for fingers or pom-poms for hands? (credited to juliakerns5)  
**Pom-poms? Those fluffy but annoying things muggle girls wave around? They look fun, but this is like that bottle-bucket question. I'd probably have fun punching people in the face with pompoms, but I prefer glow sticks.

"_Pom-poms! I LOVE pom-poms!"  
_"_Er."  
_"…_Uh, you didn't hear me say that."

* * *

_

**58. Do you pee in the shower?  
**Well, I don't really think Remmy would like it if I started pissing on him.

_"Oh, yeah, I just LOVE it when people pee on me. -sarcasm-"

* * *

_

**59. What is your favorite book? (credited to anonymous)  
**Book? There isn't one book in this whole damn school that I've finished cover to cover. Maybe bits and pieces, but nothing more. Actually… there IS one book.

_"And what book is that?"  
_"_Remus __John Lupin; My Life in a Book__."  
_"_Oh really. I don't recall writing an autobiography."  
_"_That's because -I- wrote it! -wails-"  
"Figures. And I reckon most of the stuff is actually about you?"  
"…Maybe."

* * *

_

**60. How many cookies total have you eaten, anyway?  
**Hmm… I'm guessing there were about 3 dozen cookies in that lovely jar of mine… Key word: _were_.

"_Cheer up already, Pads! No one fucking cares!"  
"Watch yourself, Potter. -I- don't say that when you go monologue-ing on the less happier moments between you and Lily, now DO I?"  
"…Damn."

* * *

_

_A/N: Yay! Like those who've pushed that happy blue button ( Swaddict1986, cheekymonkey1994, palomapotter, Vampiress19, Irish-Mexican, tickledorange, fireblossom123, SumeyThe FLowerbender, cookiemonster93, paddy waddy, juliakerns5 -review rampage buddy!-, justawritier and ..anonymous! XD) So… I advise you to do the same :D_


	7. 61 through 70

_MMKAY. This one is a special chapter. __Each question shall be answered by either Remus, James or Peter__. (identified by initials) and instead, each response following the answer will be by __Sirius__. Got it? Good. (: if youre still confused.. well.. sorry. :3_

---WHOOPS 64 is fixed. thanks lunaleth for pointing that out XD

* * *

**61. Do you consider yourself a dog or cat person? (credited to anonymous)  
**(RL) –thinks- I think I'd have to say cat person. But both are nice. 

"…_WHAT! –nearly faints- Moony, I'm disappointed. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"  
_"_Aww. I didn't mean it like that, Sirius. Okay, okay, I change my mind. I'm not a cat, OR dog person. I'm a Padfoot person!"  
_"…_That's better. -snug-"

* * *

_

**62. If you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, is that **_**really **_**what it's about? (credited to sentimentalreject23. Couldn't resist XD)  
**JP) …First off. What in the _HELL_ kind of question is this?

"_Relax, Prongs, it's a survey, not a final exam on the incomprehensible and highly enigmatic functions of the incredibly complex female species, and how to properly enthrall, intrigue and otherwise woo them."  
_"_-groan- How'd I get landed doing this damn survey anyways."  
_"_Because you failed the final exam on the incomprehensible and highly enigmatic functions of the incredibly complex female species, and how to properly enthrall, intrigue and otherwise woo them."  
_"_Fuck you, man."

* * *

_

**63. How was your last birthday?  
**(PP) Um… it was okay, I guess.

_"Okay, -you guess-? Are you kidding me, Petey? It was fantastic! We had jello and firecrackers and a piñata. That was my favorite part!"  
_"_I was the piñata..."  
_"…_Oh…"_

* * *

**64. Would you rather have no legs or no arms? (credited to juliakerns5)  
**(RL) Maybe I'd go without any arms… it'd be easier to move around, and I can do tons of wandless magic already so it wouldn't a problem. 

"_Excuse me? Keep smashing my heart into tinier and tinier pieces, why don't you?"  
_"_-What?- Exactly why would the lack of my arms or legs be relevant to you?"  
_"_Um… because you wouldn't be able to hug me if you had no arms!"  
_"_Well… then I'll leave that as your job to hug -me-."  
_"_Oh yeah, I forgot. –gigantic hug-"_

* * *

**65. What's one thing you wish you could do right now?  
**(JP) Go to the Shrieking Shack and Hogsmeade, pity it's only a new moon. Or maybe I wish I could get some cherry pie right about now, I'm really hungry. Or, I sorta wish that girl would surrender already to my incredibly superior- 

"_Enough! James, quit wallowing in self-pity. Get up and take approximately 15 steps to your left."  
_"_Wh- But… Sirius, if I do that, won't I walk right out of that… open window over there?"  
_"_Exactly…"_

* * *

**66. What's the weirdest thing that's ever been in your mouth?  
**(PP) Probably, um, one of James's dirty socks. He was cleaning out his section of the dorm, for once, and asked me to hold his stuff and I ran out of room in my arms so I had to use my mouth… 

"_That's quite gross. JAMES'S sock, yuck. I can tell you that I've had less disgusting things in my mouth. More _weird_ things. More… -wondrous- things…"  
_"_Ew. Pads, stop right there, I don't want to hear WHAT has been in your mouth, even though I think I already know." _

* * *

**67. When and where was your last kiss?  
**(RL) How convenient I should get this question. I guess. Well. If you must know, it was, er, in some broom closet (Sirius's preference, not mine) on the 5th floor about 4 hours ago. 

"_Bloody hell, it's been FOUR HOURS?! What's wrong with me?! Come on-"  
_"_What? No! I'm- not going- in another- damn closet! –trying to avoid being dragged out of room-"  
_"_Aww, come on! Just be a good boy. This puppy ain't gonna kiss himself, you know!"_

* * *

**68. Have you ever seen an animal giving birth?  
**(JP) Why do I always get the weird questions… well, can't say I have… It would be a rather… odd sort of… experience… 

"_Haha. You know, I bet Snape gets off to things like that."  
_"_-gag-"_

* * *

**69. What would your friends say if you were wrongfully convicted of a crime and had to be decapitated?  
**(PP) Interesting… not really the way I'd prefer to die, but, uh, let's ask. Sirius? 

"_Hehe. Well, all I have to say is, um, look! It's the 69__th__ question!"  
_"…_Is that ALL you have to say?"  
_"…_Yes."_

* * *

**70. So what's the news on the cookies missing from action?  
**(RL) Well, I've got remotely nothing to do with those cookies. Pads, are the cookies still missing from action?" 

"_Unfortunately. -sigh-"_

* * *

_A/N: I wonder where I should end this because… I don't want to drag it on so long because it takes lot of effort/time haha. __**Where do you guys think I should end?**__ 10 chps? more? (I thought 7 originally but that would mean this one and that's too short. XD) So… __**TELL M**__E WATCHU THINK. _

So after this chapter it'll go back to normal answering rofl. The suggestions you guys send are great (: Thanks to the following, again, for the reviews; _cheekymonkey1994, xmarauderxforeverx, SWaddict1986, Melanie Potter, emuroo, Cuban Sombrero Gal, JusticeIsBlind13, SumeyThe Flowerbender, Vampiress19, Irish-Mexican, tickledorange, Aquaphilic, bubblicious242, Yorke0593, sentimentalreject23_


	8. 71 through 80

**71. Would you rather have loved and lots or never loved at all? (credited to hermionegranger47393)  
**Ahh! That's- that's a very difficult question- that I am NOT going to answer! Not Remy! THE HORROR! This is blasphemy! THIS IS MADNESS!

"_Wait, so then what would you choose?"  
_"_Weren't you LISTENING, Wormtail? I said I wasn't answering!"  
_"…_Well –someone's- touchy today."_

* * *

**72. Boxers or briefs?  
**Boxers of course. My favorite pair is the one with ice cream cones on them. 

"…_What the hell kind of guy wears ice cream boxers?"  
_"_This one, idiot. Least I don't have hearts on mine. JAMES."_

* * *

**73. Do you like pickles? (credited to slasharific)  
**Pickles taste… alright. Like, with other things. Remus likes pickles. A lot. A bit too much. 

"_What's wrong with that?"  
_"_Because if he ate pickles and I ate chocolate before I kiss him, he ruins the chocolatey taste with his pickleness, that's what's wrong with it!"_

* * *

**74. What's one thing you would change about your current relationship? (credited to hermionegranger47393)  
**Absolutely nothing! That's how perfect we are. –wink- Or maybe, that's the thing. Degrade Moony's perfection a bit, 'cause he's too bloody damn perfect for me. So not like it's a bad thing. –winks again- 

"_Heh… um, thanks I guess. And could you stop winking? You're beginning to scare me."  
_"_-laugh- Fine. I'd do anything for you, Moony, even if it was to stop breathing forever, I would if I could."_

* * *

**75. Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy? (credited to Cuban Sombrero Gal)  
**Well Santa just creeps me the fuck out. And sometimes fairies are really mean. So, the Easter Bunny. 

"_What's so bad about Santa? He's just the childhood icon for Christmas."  
_"_Think of it like this. What if it's not gift delivery he's doing every year? Visiting a million homes of children every Christmas night? What if he did MORE than just that? Men the size of whales, little children and nighttime do not mix!"  
_"…_Well when you put it that way…"_

* * *

**76. Describe your handwriting. Do you like it?  
**Hmm. I guess not, really. It's… loopy, sort of. Half the time I can't even read my own writing. While on the subject of handwriting, Remus's is really neat and cursivey. Peter' writes pretty small, and same with James, only with him it looks like someone was, like, smacking his hand with a hammer while he wrote. 

"_Hey, no it doesn't! At least people can read MY writing."  
_"_Whatever, I don't win people over with stupid handwriting. I have good looks for that. Unlike you."  
_"_What!? That's not true! I could beat you ANY day in a-"  
_"_Ahem, by the way, who's still single? Say what?"  
_"_Prick."_

* * *

**77. What are 3 things you would never do?  
**a. Dump Moony.  
b. Allow Moony to dump me.  
c. Say the 'T' word. 

"…_What's the 'T' word?"  
_"…_Ask Remus!"  
_"_Remus, What's the 'T' word?"  
_"_It's just stupid, Peter, it's-"  
_"_NO! WAIT! Don't say it out loud! It's scary! Spell it out!"  
_"_Do we HAVE to go through this EVERY time someone asks? –groan- Fine. It's T-A-M-P-"  
_"_Stop it! You're already scaring me! Stop it, stop!"  
_"_Oh, I get it… Why is he so scared of tam- er, the 'T' word, Remus?"  
_"_Bad dream…"_

* * *

**78. Tell us a joke.  
**Um… oh! Okay, got one. How many lemons grow on a lemon tree? 

"_How many?"  
_"_ALL of them!"  
_"…"  
"_What?"  
_"…_That has GOT to be the LAMEST joke I have EVER heard. Idiot."  
_"_James, I give you the option of shutting up, or the option of shutting the FUCK up."_

* * *

**79. Would you rather walk in on someone jacking off or taking a shit?  
**…Wow. Uh… I guess I'd rather walk in on someone, y'know, pleasuring themselves? 

"…_You're weird."  
_"_What?! The question didn't give me any OTHER options! Both are equally odd positions to be, y'know, -walked-in-on- AND to be the one doing the walking-in-on."  
_"_You're still weird."  
_"_Well what would YOU have chosen, eh, Prongs?"  
_"_Oops, gotta run, bye!"_

* * *

**80. So who is your prime suspect for the Cookie Thief? (credited to o.O RaVeNcLaW.bUbBlEs o.O)  
**Well, anyone who is in this school, really, but I can't really say for sure. I DID get some progress though, on the evidence I mean. Maybe I can do a saliva test, or fingerprint-dust them like muggles do. Bloody bastard dumped all the cookie crumbs on my bed. You know, I bet it was Peter who did it, maybe. He's always eating in bed… disgusting habit, really. 

"_I picked it up from you, remember?"  
_"_Oh. Right."_

* * *

_A/N: __71's__ a 300/aka SPARTAAAA! reference. __72__ was suggested by multiple people. __77,__ I'll let you be creative as to what exactly Sirius dreamt.. haha. and 79.. couldn't think of anything else. XD_

_10chaps it is :3 And Happy Belated Birthday (23rd) to Irish-Mexican 8D_

_Thanks to everyone; palomapotter, SWaddict1986, Cuban Sombrero Gal, cookiemonster93, crazyanimallvr93, Destinyaquablossom, tickledorange, vampiress19, Slasharific, Yorke0593, Melanie Potter, hermionegranger47393, Ptolemy99, cheekymonkey1994, SumeyThe Flowerbender, Emuroo, o.O RaVeNcLaW.bUbBlEs o.O, Irish-Mexican, NoteBookLove_


	9. 81 through 90

**81. ****Would you ever die for someone if it meant they would be saved? (credited to PericulosusBella)  
**Well obviously I would if they were my friend, because my buddies mean the world to me. If it was someone like Snivellus, however… that's a different story.

"_I don't get why you hate him so much, Sirius, you -and- James."  
_"_The answer's simple, Young Lupin. His Royal Greasiness and his unusually large Smelling Device – which is bigger than not one, but TWO Giant Squids put together– coexist to degrade the radiance and natural beauty of the magical world. And they just happen to be in my way."  
_

_

* * *

_**  
82. Can you make crazy shapes with your tongue?  
**I've never tried, but I expect with all the practice I get, I should damn well be able to. 

_"What practice?"  
"What do –you- think?"  
"…Do you take tongue lessons or something?"  
"Ugh! Peter, you are SO dumb."_

_

* * *

_**  
83. Would you rather wear nothing but green clothing, or eat nothing but pretzels for the rest of your life? (credited to Yorke0593)  
**Hmm. I think wearing nothing but green wouldn't be so bad. Pretzels are so boring! There are many more interesting things to eat out there, like apple pie and bacon and waffles. 

_"Hey, pretzels aren't that bad."  
"...You don't know our history."_

_

* * *

_**  
84. What is your favorite sport?  
**Hah, the only good wizarding sport out there of course; Quidditch! Hmm, I've just remembered something; Peter's the only one out of the four of us who's never even been off the ground." 

_"I don't like broomsticks."  
"You've never flown one!"  
"…So?"  
"We'll just have to teach you. It's easy. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!"_

_

* * *

_**  
85. Tattoos or piercings? (credited to Amelia Glitter)  
**I think I'd go with tattoos. They're more… expressive. 

_"It'd be easier for you to get Remus's name tattooed across your ass. I don't think you'd want his name to be PIERCED on your ass…"  
"…Who the hell said I wanted his name tattooed on my ass? Or pierced for that matter?!"_

_

* * *

_**  
86. Have you ever worn a tutu?  
**No, I haven't, but Remus has! 

_"Wait a minute, when was –that-?"  
"Don't you remember, Prongs? It was like a week after first year started-"  
"-Oh yeah! You put them on Peter and him in their sleep. I remember now!"  
"Mhmm. He looked pretty damn good in it, too."_

_

* * *

_**  
87. Describe your first kiss. (credited to Yorke0593)  
**Hmm, that was very, very long ago and I don't remember much… I bet it was fantastic though. 

_"Let me fill in for you. I remember exactly what happened."  
"Alright, then."  
"You leaned in a bit too far and we ended up falling into the lake; James had to pull us out."  
"Is that it? How come I have no recollection of this?"  
"You inhaled too much water and blacked out."  
"…Right."_

_

* * *

_**  
88. Make up a haiku.  
**Padfoot loves Moony  
Wormy is afraid of heights  
Prongs will stay single 

_"...You suck at poetry."  
"Well you suck at life!"_

_

* * *

_**  
_89. Do you like escargot?  
_**_…The HELL is escargot? _

_"It's snails, in French. People eat them."  
"…Ew! Poor snails!"  
"What? You eat chicken and steak all the time."  
"But they were MEANT to be eaten! What crazy fool looked at a puny, blubbery blob just oozing there all on its lonesome and said, 'I think I'll eat that!' ?"_

_

* * *

_**  
90. The cookies can't believe that you could be so dense.  
**…What? What did I do?! I've tried looking EVERYWHERE, and they were nowhere to be found. Within a 25-mile radius anyway… 

_"Hmm… Sirius, maybe the cookies are actually closer than you think."  
"Maybe this is the last time I eat cookies that might have minds of their own."_

_

* * *

A/N: Part of 84 was from a signature I read rofl. it's been a long time since I've updated. _

_On an ending, don't expect a grand finale of some sort, or for it to be all, BAMBAMBAM! Because I end things horribly and i've run out of jokes to say XD_

Thanks reviewers c:  o.O RaVeNcLaW.bUbBlEs o.O, Irish-Mexican, SWaddict1986 , SumeyThe Flowerbender, Yorke0593, cheekymonkey1994, Melanie Potter, NoteBookLove, JusticeIsBlind13, Cuban Sombrero Gal, Vampiress19, tickledorange, Amelia Glitter, Slasharific, Ryuko Ishida, lunaleth  



	10. 91 through 100

_Hohshit, Last Chapter And I'm done C:  
_

* * *

**91.** **How are your kissing skills? (credited to irish-mexican)  
**Personally, I think they're great. Does Moony agree? 

_"Why yes, Moony agrees."  
__"I bet he's lying and thinks you're horrible and refuses to tell the truth just because you guys do it all the time."  
__"Aww, James, would you like me to give you a live demonstration, so you can reanalyze that assumption? And for the once-in-a-lifetime hands-on experience? Or rather, lips-on experience?"  
__"I'll save that experience for later, like, when I'm dead."_

* * *

**92.** **Recall your last argument. What was it about?  
**Well, some 5th year chick just couldn't accept the fact that me and Moony were 'more than friends.' Made such a fuss in the Great Hall yesterday. Called me an 'idiot' and the 'biggest poof in the universe' and 'hoped I'd die'. 

_"Oh. Well, that's. 'Harsh.'"  
__"Can women get _ANY_ less creative when it comes to insults?"  
"Apparently not."  
__"I mean, she could have said, 'I'm gonna fuse your fucken scalp to the Whomping Willow!' …But not like I encourage that proposition." _

* * *

**93.** **List five of the strangest things you have done this week.  
**a. I enchanted all the toilets to sing really loudly every time it was peed on, so during class if you heard random outburst of singing, you'd know someone's taking a piss.  
b. I super-glued Peter's feet to the bed posts in his sleep.  
c. I did my homework. Alone.  
d. I taught every Gryffindor, more or less against their will, the Apples and Bananas song.  
e. I spied on Snivellus trying to cut a piece of asparagus. Took the idiot more than 2 minutes. 

Any questions? Okay, we'll go in order. James?

_"I'm going to ask Lily out again. But more nicely. Think she'll say yes?"  
__"Erm, not really. Sorry, mate. Remus?"  
__"See, Sirius, you DON'T need my help in to do your homework. It's easy stuff."  
__"Yeah, but I don't ask for your help just because it's _DIFFICULT_. I ask simply because I enjoy your assistance. –grin- Okay, and um, James again?"  
__"Okay, I just made a bet with Lily. Think I'll win?"  
__"Hmm… no. Peter?"  
__"Why did you glue my feet?!"  
__"Well first of all, I didn't _GLUE_ it to the bed posts, I _SUPER_-glued it. There's a difference! And WHAT the hell do you want, now, James?"  
__"Uh, would you like to lend me 40 galleons?"  
__"No!"_

* * *

**94.** **Do you know any secret languages?  
**Why yes, I do. James derft eik avnub feg-feg! 

_"What the hell is –that- language?"  
__"Weren't you listening, it's a –secret- language."  
__"Fine, then what'd you say about me?"  
__"'James will suck for free!'"  
__"I hate you."_

* * *

**95. Are you and your friends doing anything tonight?  
**Maybe, maybe not… All James wants to do is plan another scheme to get with Lily because he didn't earlier. 

_"You say that like I'm really going to fail."  
__"Well you're –certainly- not about to succeed."  
__"For being my best mate, you give the least amount of encouragement."  
__"Then fine; I hope your persuasion skills pay off this time-"  
__"-That's better."  
__"-'Cause it's not like you've had much luck in the past."  
__"Goddamn you." _

* * *

**96. How many scars do you have?  
**Well I have one on my forehead no one usually sees because of my hair… I fell down the stairs once. That's all I can think of right now. I have many more mental scars than I do physical scars. Heh heh. 

_"Oh, really? Like what?"  
__"Well one morning I went to brush my teeth, so I got into the bathroom and… well, okay, let's just say I'm buying Wormtail a bathrobe and a razor for Christmas."  
__"...But haven't you seen Remus-"  
__"THIS IS PETER WE ARE TALKING ABOUT." _

* * *

**97. How's your hair?  
**Just dandy. I bet it would win Best-Shiny-Hair Award at Hogwarts if there was one.

_"What? No you wouldn't, MY hair is better than yours."  
"No it isn't, James. People are fucking_ SCARED _of your hair, because it looks like an army of demons is gonna jump out an attack them at any second. It's like it was trampled by a herd of wild buffalo. Twice."_

* * *

**98. So do you want to know where your cookies are?  
**More than you fucking know. Peter, have you been keeping them hostage? 

_"What? I didn't do anything!"  
__"That's what the -guilty- always say… -narrows eyes-" _

* * *

**99. The cookies disappeared… BECAUSE OF YOU.  
**…What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean.

_"I think it means that YOU ate the cookies."  
__"I DID NOT, Prongs!"  
__"Yes. You did. Face the damn truth, Pads."  
__"I didn't!"  
__"Did!"  
__"Didn't!"  
__"Oh for Merlin's sake, shut up already. You ate your own damn cookies. End of story."  
__"I did…?"  
__"Yes. The only reason you can't find the bloody things is because you ATE them."  
__"…Go away James! I hate you! You AND your ugly hair!"  
__"Muahaha. I find amusement in your… whatever it is that it's called when you realize what a dumbfuck you've been… Oh yeah. In your dumbfuckness." _

* * *

**100. How do you feel now, at the very end of this survey?  
**…Horrible. 

_"Aww, don't mind what James says."  
__"I can't believe I wasted this much time on such a pointless survey. And looking for… I could have been doing better things."  
__"There's still time, you know, for those… 'better things…' –wink-"  
__"…That, you are correct, my dear. Shall we go and practice those 'better things?' "  
__"I think we should. And tomorrow I'll get you a whole new jar of cookies."  
__"Mmm. I love you, Moony." _

* * *

_I know this isn't the greatest, funniest, chapter to end this on, but… you know me XD_

_Mega love and thanks (and cookies that Remus will be buying) to everyone who's put this on alert, favs, and reviewed, like all the chapters, in general. Now I need to find a new idea to write on. Bye 8D!_


End file.
